Contrary to the popular belief, the first commandment is not the one recorded by Moses, when he wrote it down in Hebrew together with the other nine, in the second of his books, called Exodus, which is a fundamental part of the so-called Old Testament, together with his other four books.

If you’re not a religious person, or you simply can’t remember what is usually known as the first and greatest commandment, here it is:

“I am The Lord your God, Who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me.”

The real story, or at least our funny story today, says the first commandment is this:

“You will go and eat that apple God said we shouldn’t! Otherwise, you will sleep with the snake! Don’t tell me such nonsense that God put a fruit in this garden that isn’t supposed to be eaten!”

Seeing no other way out of this, Adam ate the apple. Eve was a bit disappointed, because she hoped he would die. After all, she saw him looking at a female cow as he shouldn’t have earlier that day, and – to make the story full – she had some wild dreams including the snake, so taking Adam out of the equation wasn’t such a bad idea. Unfortunately for her, Adam didn’t die, God got angry, Eve became the first bitchy wife in history, and you all know the rest of the story…

Just for the record – your AppleMadman here has to warn you that any event depicted in this article is fictitious, and any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental! 😉